Anger Love and Walls

I've talked and talked enough
Listening becomes a chore and words that once soothed my ebony skin begin to feel blue black sin.
I Love you yet the words I hear make e fear that we have reached the end. yes I understand that tears are healing for the soul and weeping words from the lips gives balm o wounds that need not be, but yet at the end of sipping I feel empty, needing to empty my bladder of the barrage of chatter that makes me see Anger not love and the walls brace my heart and I resolve that love and anger have the same mother and are never independent of each other.



Guilt and shame are making Love wildly while chasing the passion f anger and love. Words from the past dance like stars born of cosmic collisions and it becomes clear that ones vision of what happiness and joy must be is always born out of chaos and anger and shine brilliant from heavens as a child lays down and gazes at the sky from the dust of the earth. And it makes me wonder from birth could be possible to erase the gene of hurt and see that collision just as heavenly as the creator imagined. Instead I see anger at all of the particles that are bumping into me and the reality is that while it is all meant to be heavenly it feels like hell and I have fallen the eight time past creation into destruction and my 4 point axis of creativity is forgone into a consuming squall. And yes in my eyes he sees anger and in his heart there is love that can climb this wall.



It is amazing that as much as we talk of love we talk little of the anger that accompanies it until the relationship is over. But that is not true. I am finding myself in the position of a solid relationship and that I can some days recover the walls that have embraced the chambers of my heart. And as soon as I hear certain themes I retreat and need time to process and think because my reactionary causes are filled with anger disappointment and fear. I fear that letting someone close is another heartbreak waiting to happen. So instead I smile and pretend that in the end it really doesn't matter because the anger comes when it has ended and that fortifies the walls that I build. But unlike most I am too polite and suppress the anger that I feel and smile to conceal or concede to please and beneath the surface she lies beneath in a red sea of flames and while I love the anger is one in the same.

And no this isn't the best piece of I've ever written but I am angry tonight and this is what I had to spit out while saying nothing. Tomorrow I will smile and nod as if nothing has happen and the words exchanged were built up out of a reaction to stress. I will justify the wrath and the pain inflicted me and the other as an out of character feat and realize the only bit of insanity is that I can not allow myself to feel angry long enough to feel what love is like without the support of walls.