The Dash

For those that are reading, by now you know that I do not edit or make changes. I write in the stream of my thoughts and just like life there is not an edit, rewind and undo button. If there were such a thing I would purchased that years ago. But instead life happens in the details and between the dashes of life and death...so this post is a start to deconstructing and reconstructing the woman I know as me.





Jan 9th 2009

The ending of year and the start to another…I have always lived by the details that life presents. I look at as the mourner who stares at the tombstone of the one they loved; the mourner doesn’t concentrate on the dates but that dash in between. It is that dash that embodies our lives of memories and moments of truth , joys and sadness . That marker in the ground is made bold by the dash. Death is not the only dash in our lives but the markers of our lives are each day. Jan 9-2008 – Jan 9-2009 . The dash of a year and what are the details that another , myself, lover, family and friends will play in the highlight reel, most importantly what will be I be mentally reviewing?

I spoke with my Father and learned something new this year (others may have known-those that choose to dig deeper and see my heart). I live my life by the essence of failure. She works her hands around the peaks and swims in the bed of my tears, her grasp is strong and tight and steps with heavy laden boots in the valley of darkness that entrenches the markers of my life. I’ve always enjoyed her kisses and thought of them as sweet touches of reality that keep me rooted and grounded , so sweet I felt her warmth touching me and her reality gave me the inspiration to touch others with cheer and rays of positive growth.

But now I feel lonely and deceived. The touch of failure wasn’t so sweet and the reality is now swallowing me whole. She is my moment of truth, she is my dash: failure and I am not sure we know how to part because she wears so many shades that I wear so well. I wrapped my warm creamy skin in the strong richest hue black embolden by fear with deep shades of mahogany guilt and ebony regret and together , shedding them leaves me naked and exposed and running to new shades that may not blend as well .......and so life begins 9:50 am - dash of whenever I end the relationship of whom I have been caressing as my friend