Self Discovery

Many nights I lay awake praying to the creator about the journey my life has taken. Bruises and scars that I have are yet to be revealed to anyone that I feel understands. And now at this point in my life I have stopped looking for the love and acceptance, understanding. I search now for self discovery and solutions. Mostly since I have not discovered many of the things that shape my soul. I wonder why Jeremiah wept the way he did, it had to be more than the city around him, perhaps there was some sorrow so deep that he could not bear to bring it to memory. Yes much like others I am constantly spinning my axis to the nexus of understanding of who I am. The more you know the less you understand.
The beauty of a creative mind over thirty is that ignorance is no longer romance. So my soul bleeds on anything that will allow the ink to be received. Today as the wind blows she runs her hands across my soul and I realize that life leaves us chasing the kiss of the wind. Our bodies left cold from her disappearance.
I have been chasing after that invisible kiss. Relationships bring bliss that feels like the strength of the wind blown kiss. What they do in reality is teach you who you are. My solution to those of us that are now in relationships: Patience and strength , pray readily for the two. If you do they will ride you through the force , anger , beauty and more of love.
Patience will remind you that your all is good enough and no man or woman can take that away from. strength will remind you that power is yours and only you allow it to be given away. I am discovering that I have given away too much of my power to those that didn't deserve while I sat by patiently for the word that he wasn't the one. I should have had more strength to trust that I was strong enough to know that my instincts were right, he wasn't the one and if I was patient with myself he would arrive. All the acceptance and understanding doesn't mean anything without patience and strength , I have loved a man or two that held a quality or two but never encompassed the entire package and perhaps neither did i for him. And my discovery today is that one quality does and will outweigh another. Subtracting one from the equation lessens the strength of the soul.
And I am writing: random, rambling and thoughts because I am a rambling, random thoughtful person on a path that is ordered but I somehow lost the ability to clearly read the map. I start over and try my best to get back on track.
Get naked. Start over, can't crawl into the womb but I can shed off the clothes to release myself of the burden of people's expectations in relationships. Anyone who so desire can do the same. Learn who you are, for who we are is that beautiful naked self. We bring that person hoping to meet another that is on the same path. And nakedness is so beautiful. When Adam first saw Eve he didn't noticed her cellulite that slightly decorated her thigh, or the bulge in her belly. He didn't care about who she was before or the mistakes of yesterday when she trusted another's will and not his, not her man. He never made mention of the grave sin that she made, he never criticized, he stood by her side. She was him and he knew her flaws, hubris and all She was his wife his love and his mate. He accepted and love her to such a degree that he would disobey the greatest and only Creator. This man that got to walk in the cool of the garden with the one most are seeking to find. Love, true love is just that bad. It supersedes the negative, outlives the pain of yesterday, forgets that he or she made a mistake. Why? Because on the path to self discovery I've learned that Love is rooted in patience and strength. And no matter who I was yesterday the woman I am today in my most raw, exposed naked form is FLAWLESS to the one who is strong enough to stand and be patient enough to love my art.

So the next time I run into the arms of my man I have to ask how strong he is and the temperance of his patience because I am on a path of self discovery and that may cause me to often run naked. I hope he loves me hard enough to accept and understand.